With two there's confusion!
by takitaka
Summary: Lithuania and Russia both have kind of a problem - and incidentally those problems are pretty similar, but not exactly quite identical. And who can be the source of that if not Poland?


AN: Request fic for Saucy. Big thanks to jceland for beta!

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><p>Lithuania was busy waiting for Poland.<p>

Okay, so that actually wasn't exactly true; he was _making_ himself busy because he was waiting for Poland, and Poland was late. And not five minutes late, either — more like twenty at this point.

He swore he was going to wait at most five minutes longer. Poland could've at least texted him, really! He also wasn't answering his cellphone and Lithuania was half really, really angry and half really, really worried.

He decided to clean his briefcase just to do something. And maybe it actually was a good idea because — was that a sandwich from last week that he could have sworn his co-worker stole from him? Well… At least Lithuania wasn't mean to him or anything like that, even if he suspected it. Maybe he did kind of push Petras' pile of paperwork off his desk, but it was an honest accident! Also, _ew_, a week old sandwich—

"_Li-tva_!"

"Eeeek!" he really hated himself for making that sound and jumping so visibly, but— honestly, who wouldn't after hearing Russia's voice in their ear like this and feeling his breath on their neck? It was insane how someone so big and so awkward-looking could move so quietly.

"Hello, Russia," Lithuania took great care not to stutter or anything of the sort and swiftly moved away — years of practice, really — partially to escape the uncomfortably close proximity and partially to just be able to look at Russia's face.

And oh, dear; what a worried face that was! Suddenly Lithuania remembered that he was waiting for Poland and Poland was late and _Russia was here instead_…

Before his worry could make it from his brain to his stomach and inevitably make it hurt, Russia opened his mouth to speak — and he wasn't even smiling like usual when he was talking to Lithuania. In fact, he looked a little… embarrassed?

"I…" Russia squirmed and it was— 'really fucking weird', as America would put it, and, oh, that moment when Lithuania's stomach turned with nervousness just arrived! What a joy.

"I need your help?"

_Please, God, don't let it be in hiding Poland's body_, he prayed in his mind — even though he knew it'd be pretty ridiculous, it's not like they fought to this point nowadays… He hoped.

He managed a weak smile.

"What is it?"

The embarrassment was gone and replaced by worry once again — pure, almost beautiful childish worry on Russia's face; maybe Lithuania should snap a photo and put it in some sort of encyclopedia under the term "worrying". It was actually pretty hypocritical, though, since his own expression was almost a perfect reflection of Russia's — but, well… he couldn't know that, now, could he?

Besides, it was about two completely different things—

"I, ah. I lost Poland!"

…okay, maybe it hit just a little too close to home.

"What?" _Really, you could've at least managed "excuse me"_, thought Lithuania to himself in something that was surprisingly similar to Poland's tone when he tried to be sarcastic.

Russia squirmed again and fiddled with his fingers awkwardly, looking down.

"Ah… ah, I had him right there, you see, and he just kind of… I was really careful with him! But when I checked, he was gone, and I'm really worried! He's so little, what if someone squishes him—" here Russia put his arms up for a little serious pause during which Lithuania had time to wonder whether he or the bigger nation was going crazy… ier. Crazier, in one case, probably. "I didn't, I'm sure; I checked really well!"

Lithuania really, really wanted to just repeat his "What?" and keep it up until Russia gave him something at least similar to a sensible answer.

Instead he decided to very slowly close his briefcase and take a deep breath.

"When was… the last time you saw him, then? And where?"

Russia offered him the brightest, childish smile, as if the fact alone that Lithuania agreed to help automatically got rid of his problem.

"During the conference, I just checked if he wasn't too bored…"

The constant "what, what, what" that raced through Lithuania's mind was almost too distracting to keep listening.

"And he was with me then, but right after the meeting when I checked again he was gone and… you don't think someone stepped on him, do you?"

Russia's voice sounded really close to panicked, another sign that made Lithuania almost sure that the world was ending right then. But at least he could honestly, with full certainty say, that—

"I'm absolutely sure no one stepped on him. Maybe he just went home or shopping— ah, he was supposed to meet me here actually, but he apparently forgot…"

Ugh, he didn't mean to sound bitter about it! What stopped him from adding more, though, was Russia's face. He looked at Lithuania like _he_ was the one spouting nonsense, so he closed his mouth, unsettled and a little offended.

"Why would Poland meet with you?" Russia asked suddenly.

The pure curiosity and wonder in his voice made Lithuania start wondering himself — yeah, actually, why _would_ they meet? — but before he could go into the sense of the universe and _what all of this means_ just from this, he shook his head and pressed his fingers to his temple.

"No— wait. Listen. How could you— lose Poland? Why wouldn't he meet me? We were supposed to go to dinner together after the meeting, we talked about it earlier and I, ah, I don't remember Poland mentioning you—"

Russia was tilting his head at him and Lithuania felt more and more stupid with every word that left his mouth until finally the bigger nation smiled, chuckled, and patted Lithuania's head like he was some sort of a—

"Ah, but I'm talking about my new pet, little Lithuania!"

_Oh, silly me_, he thought dryly, unconsciously moving away from the touch before the words fully registered in his mind and he gaped, startled.

"W-_what_?"

Oh god, oh god, what was he supposed to think about this?

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><p>Usually Russia preferred those bigger kinds of animals — maybe a bear or something, eventually a dog that'd be at least twice Latvia's height if it stood up on its back legs. They were good pets — strong, and smart, and full of love — and Russia didn't have to worry that he'd squish them since he was a… big boned nation himself, after all. And for the most part, they could take care of themselves.<p>

That's why he simply couldn't understand what brought his attention to the littlest of little furry creatures ever. Nevertheless, here he was: standing in front of the shop display, his big nose almost touching the glass, hands shoved deep into his coat pockets and head bowed down so he wouldn't fog over the window where he _stared_.

The hamster (so tiny it could probably fit in one of Russia's littlest matryoshkas) stared back.

It had light brown fur (almost orange, actually), little black eyes, and very tiny paws holding some kind of a treat. Nothing less and nothing more than any other average hamster on the display; but this one was staring at him so intently as if he was really trying to tell him something, so… Russia decided to give it the chance to express itself.

And so they stared some more until the hamster broke the connection by looking down on its treat. Russia felt almost disappointed — so that's all there was to that? — but then it raised its head again, as if making sure that he was watching—

And shoved the whole treat into its mouth.

…which, in Russia's humble opinion, shouldn't even be possible.

Ten minutes later he was walking out of the store with his newly bought hamster cage (the most colourful there was), hamster food and, of course, the hamster itself.

He didn't even remove his coat after arriving home, just went straight into the kitchen and sat by the table where he put the cage in front of himself. He wondered for a while if it was safe to let the hamster on the table at all or if it'd run (he really, really didn't want it to run, or harm itself, or do any other sad things like that), so he decided just to keep it inside. At least for now.

It buried itself under sawdust and didn't look too keen on going out at all. Russia wasn't sure if it was okay — maybe he should've asked in the store what things _were_ okay. He shifted on his chair, suddenly feeling even bigger than he usually did, and reached for a piece of apple that was laying on the table.

He nibbled at it just enough to get a piece more or less like the hamster's treat from the store and quickly put it in the cage.

And then waited.

Eventually — though Russia didn't want to startle his newest little companion so much he didn't even dare to move to check how much time had passed — the hamster left his spot in the corner of the cage and sniffed at the apple, quickly grabbing it in its paws.

Russia smiled widely when he saw his pet fitting the fruit piece in its mouth once again. It was as adorable as it was funny — such a big mouth! And Russia decided then and there that it'd be his new, really good friend.

But how would he name him? Every little friend should have a name, after all; and just because this one was even littler than the rest, it didn't mean he didn't deserve one, right?

Russia looked at the hamster in wonder, once again taking in his appearance. Well, he was really, really tiny, and… ah, and very cute, actually. And he didn't look too much like it, but he had a very big mouth and liked treats…

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><p>"You named your hamster <em>Poland<em>?" Lithuania saw and heard many things in his not-so-short life, but this… Russia looked disturbingly un-disturbed by this fact, like it was an everyday occurrence that nations named their — pets, for heaven's sake! — after each other.

"That's really—"

Suddenly a picture of Poland's pony that his friend decided to call "Liet" popped into his mind.

He shut up.

They were both back in the conference room, with Lithuania under the table and Russia hovering awkwardly behind him. It was unsettling when Russia made it clear that he wanted him to crawl under and behind various part of the furniture, but when Lithuania tried protesting, the other nation suggested calling Latvia since "he's even smaller, da?".

As for why the hamster got himself into the nations' conference instead of waiting for his owner at home — well, apparently Russia was afraid he'd get _lonely_.

_Really_.

By the time Russia's story ended, Lithuania was covered in the dust, sneezed at least ten times (with Russia cheerfully answering "you're welcome!" after each; and, really, he _had_ to do it on purpose and it wasn't funny…), his clothes and hair disheveled… oh, and he found two used condoms and one dried rose.

And still no hamster in sight. Russia insisted on checking the conference room thoroughly, though, before they'd move to other rooms — and oh, god, did Lithuania feel like running away or even jumping out through a window at the mere thought of searching with Russia the rest of the building. For a _hamster_.

He finally emerged from under the table, threw the Russian an apologetic look and observed as Russia's hopeful smile died on his chubby face.

…_uh. Why, why do I agree to do things so easily?_, he mused frustrated, just in time for Russia to point to the only place in the room he didn't check yet — a closet.

Now, everyone knew that _things_ were happening in the closet — before the meetings, after the meetings, sometimes even _during_ the meetings if someone felt particularly adventurous. Lithuania somehow really doubted that condoms would be the worst thing to find there.

Why did he even do that again?

Russia grabbed his arm and dragged him along — which wasn't good at all. Why couldn't he have been a jerk and refused Russia help? He should've laughed in his face (and then run — run as fast as he could) or at least not have cared if some hamster got lost in one room or another. And then, he should've — yes! — he should've spilled coffee— no, where would he get a coffee from? He should've spilled vodka. Russia's vodka; he always carried some with himself, so he should've spilled it and faked an accident and left Russia to weep after, ah… spilled booze…

That sounded very jerk-like.

"I-I don't think it's the best idea; let's move to another room." Why did it come out as a suggestion? "I mean that there's no way he could even get in there! The door—"

"But Lit-va, someone could've opened the door during the meeting, right? What if Poland sits there all alone and in the dark, terrified?"

…Why, oh why, couldn't Lithuania be a jerk? Sometimes he really wanted to be. Starting tomorrow, he decided, he'd be the biggest jerk in the world.

But first, he'd find Poland. Both Polands, actually, and he'd _polish_ his jerk skills on his _Polish_ friend — if only he hadn't been late, they'd be long gone eating dinner before Russia could have found him!

Meanwhile, Russia opened the door to the closet and turned the lights inside on. It looked innocent enough, actually — some brooms, mops, shelves with various cleaning supplies and— was that lube—

Lithuania tried not to groan when he was gently pushed inside. He briefly considered grabbing a pair of cleaning gloves and putting them on before starting rummaging through all of this, but then he was already dirty beyond belief and… he wasn't sure what someone did with those gloves, too. It really wasn't worth it.

Russia, even if he did fit in the closet, wouldn't be able to move about to check all the corners and so Lithuania didn't even think about suggesting for Russia to do it himself.

He sighed, pulled his sleeves up and literally dove in. He had to move the brooms out of the way and crouch down to check behind some buckets — and that's when he heard a crack.

He immediately looked up, but couldn't see anything that could cause the sound. Even so, he shifted uncomfortably.

"Ah, Russia? Did you touch anything—"

"Is he here?" Russia poked his head inside, pushing at Lithuania's back with his knees. Lithuania grit his teeth.

"No— you, ah, please move, I can't get up—"

Russia indeed moved, just in time when Lithuania tried to get up again and reached with his hand to hold on to the shelf for support. There was another crack, a pang, and before he knew it, what felt like the world's entire supply of brooms fell on his head while the shelf that he had been gripping two seconds ago landed on his back.

He almost didn't hear Russia's calling over the dull ringing sound in his ears. And his back— oh god, his back; he knew already he wouldn't be able to move for weeks…

"Lithuania?" He felt Russia pull on the shelf that fell on him — the shelf in the closet that was the perfect height to put someone on and — argh, he should have _known_ — but while doing so he shook the whole construction and Lithuania felt a wooden part of one of the brooms dig painfully into the side of his neck.

Russia tugged again, hard — maybe concerned with the lack of reply — and Lithuania saw stars.

"Wait—owww!" He took a deep breath when he felt the pressure lessen. "You— you need to untangle me, it's— ah!"

Because, of course, this was the moment when he felt his cellphone buzz against his thigh.

Oh. Oh great. It was Poland; Lithuania recognized the ringtone — how could he not? — but his whole upper body was trapped under the strangest construction and he couldn't reach and— really, could it possibly get any _worse_?

"Lithuania?" It was Russia's worried tone again and he felt the bigger nation kneel behind him. "Ah, I can take it for you!" he offered helpfully and sneaked his hand into Lithuania's pocket.

"No, wait—" Ah, jerking around right now really wasn't the best idea…

Before he could protest more Russia's other hand settled comfortably on his hip in what was probably meant to be a reassuring touch, but it only made him feel humiliated and, yes, that was definitely a full-time stomachache now.

"Da?"

Lithuania groaned.

There was a short pause when Poland was probably voicing his confusion — or he was already furious and Lithuania heard Russia's innocent voice behind himself.

"Oh, he couldn't pick up, you see; he is pretty preoccupied right now!"

One more short pause and Lithuania managed pleading: "Russia?" just before the other nation replied again

"In the conference room; kneeling right in front of me, in fact!"

If he could, Lithuania would start pulling his hair out now, but — but his hands were trapped and that was _the_ problem, right? And no, he couldn't believe that Russia didn't do this on purpose!

There was a soft click when Russia closed the phone.

"Poland seemed upset about something!"

"Oh, really?" Lithuania asked dryly because yes, Russia sounded definitely too full of himself to not know what he just implied.

"Hmm! But he'll be here in a moment, so we should pull you out, right?"

"Yes." Lithuania breathed out in half relief because, uh, upset Poland just wasn't something he wanted to deal with right now.

"But are you sure Poland isn't there? Because I can't—"

"Yes, I'm sure!" He squirmed uncomfortably and regretted it as soon as he felt Russia patting his hip.

"Really?"

"I checked; there's really no way he's here!" He knew he sounded desperate, but he really didn't want Poland to walk in on them like this. "Ah, please, just try to…"

"Stay still, Lithuania!" Russia cheerfully cut in before rising to his feet and grabbed the shelf in his one hand, and some of the brooms in his other.

Lithuania panicked.

"Wait, figure it out first—!"

There was a pull, then another loud crack, and horrified Lithuania felt himself being surprisingly and easily pulled back onto his feet.

Stunned as he was, he could only stare at the shelf, now completely broken in half and he really, really didn't want to think about how Russia did it.

But uh — he put his hand to his neck and swallowed — god, it was—

"What did you like, DO to him?"

The doors opened with a slam and Poland marched in, not even looking at Lithuania at all — _geez, thanks, Po_ — as all of his angry attention was focused on Russia instead.

Russia was smiling cheerfully in that I-have-angry-Poland-in-front-of-myself-and-I-plan-to-make-him-even-angrier way.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"It's okay, Poland; I just got stuck in the closet, but Russia—" Lithuania hurried to explain before things could get ugly — and apparently before he managed to think, since Poland's eyes widened comically at his words.

"No, no no no no no, it was nothing like that, I was just searching there for—"

"POLAND!" Russia's happy cry cut in and both smaller nations jumped.

Russia hurried to Poland's side and the little blond made a surprised sound, trying to move away — and it was then that Lithuania realized his friend was holding something.

"Oh my god! Don't be a creep!" Poland exclaimed when Russia managed to grab his shoulders to keep him in place.

Because there were two Polands now — the smaller held gently by the bigger.

"Where— where did you find him?" Lithuania asked incredulously.

"Huh? Wha— oh, you mean, like, the hamster? He was sitting on the conference table, and I noticed, just after the meeting ended— seriously, lemme go!"

"Ah, but I have two Polands now!" Russia looked so happy— well, he really seemed to be worried about his, ah, friend earlier, so it was no wonder he was relieved; but did that mean—

"You mean to tell me that Po— that the hamster was with you all this time?"

This… this just couldn't be true. But the look on Poland's face confirmed Lithuania's suspicions.

"Duh? That's totally why I couldn't pick up the phone earlier. I was holding him, and he was cute, and then I remembered about this model of the city in that room on the fifth floor and thought, wouldn't it be super fabulous to just put him there and look at how he'd— will you stop?"

Russia apparently decided that now he had two Polands, he should take his chance to pet both of them.

Lithuania could only gape — Poland didn't come to him because he wanted to play with a _hamster_?

And Lithuania wouldn't even be in this whole mess if he just came on time instead of—

Furious. When he only stops being so tired he'll be insanely, horribly, unstoppably furious.

Meanwhile Russia and Poland got into some sort of patting war, only Poland couldn't really pat Russia back, what with how he was holding the hamster and all.

"What are you even on?" Poland demanded finally, escaping Russia's hand yet another time though Russia's pat was apparently meant for the other Poland.

"Ah, Poland, that hamster—" Lithuania started tiredly, leaning against the wall and wincing at the pain in his back. "He's Russia's. He, ah… he called him Poland."

Poland stared.

"You named a hamster after me?"

Russia immediately took advantage of Poland's shocked state and emerged him in a tight hug — probably squeezing his shoulders harder than was absolutely necessary. Poland made a little "oomph" noise when his nose got buried in Russia's scarf.

Lithuania absolutely refused to think it was cute.

After just a little struggling — probably for breath, in Poland's case — Russia released the smaller nation and happily held his hands out for his pet. Lithuania wondered if the hug was Russia's strange way of saying "thanks" to Poland for, well… finding Poland…

Oh, it was all definitely too confusing.

Little hamster, seemingly and completely unaffected by all the struggling and jumping that just occurred, looked up from Poland's thumb to Russia's face intently.

Poland — the bigger one — pouted, but after getting a nod from Lithuania, put the hamster in Russia's extended hands.

So. That was pretty much it. Lithuania almost let himself relax until he heard Poland's voice, his curiousity ineffectively hidden behind grumpiness.

"Why _Poland_?"

Russia actually blushed — or maybe he was red from the struggling earlier and Lithuania didn't notice.

"Ah." The big nation looked into his hands where Poland squirmed around. "He is very tiny, right? And he has light fur, and likes treats, and has a very big—"

"Maybe you should check and see that he wasn't accidentally crushed a little!" Lithuania offered quickly before Russia could finish the sentence.

Maybe he was already turning into a jerk… There was a deep worry on Russia's features when he looked his hamster over as he tried to check that he wasn't a little flatter than before.

Poland looked at both of them weirdly, a little red on his cheeks himself, before he finally approached Lithuania.

"You look like crap! Do you know what you like, have in you hair?"

He very much didn't want to know.

"And anyway, what were you doing not being where you told me you'd be waiting—"

He glared at Poland, grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled the startled nation to himself, almost considering punching him — but dear god, he was so fucking tired.

So he just slumped against his — _dear heavens_ — friend instead and buried his nose in the crook of Poland's neck, breathing in what still was his comforting scent and letting himself enjoy Poland's distressed complains about how he was "oh gosh, so totally groddy!" a little more than he should.

Distantly he thought that if Russia's Poland — ah wow, it sounded strange even in his head… well, Russia's pet anyway — was even half as much trouble normally as he proved to be today, then…

"Poland" was really the most appropriate name. Big mouth included.


End file.
